The Double Standard...

You abandoned us. You left us to her delusions and her demons. You let her tear you apart and tear you down. You let her take away your pride, your manhood. You let her get away with it. You claim it was a sacrifice to give it all up, but it was a choice. The choice was yours to fight, to have faith in the legal system, faith in yourself. The choice was not easy, you were scared your precious guilded image was going to be sand blasted into oblivion. However, what others thought of you was not what you should have cared about. You should have cared about us, the innocents. The impressionable, the hurt. We looked to her for guidance and received deceipt. We looked to her to be the voice of reason amongst the chaos and became convinced that her ideals were correct, because we saw no other way. We had no other guidance. We held on to her, because her version of love was all we had that was tangible and visible. We abandoned our love for each other. Hers was so disgusting and evil that we kids had only enough energy to comprehend one travesty at a time,sacrificing each other to survive. I tried to rise up, to show that hope prevails above all else. I made sacrifices, I smiled dispite the suffering, and I got back up. Again, and again, and again. I continue to make sacrifices to find sound footing. Yet, when I steady my wobbly knees with you, you rattle my Earth once again. You have me running around in circles with your empty promises, the dangling of the sugared carrot has been pulled out of my reach one too many times. My heart is numb, my stomach in knots, my mind weary. Blow after blow and yet I still try to move planets, change time, create illusions to cushion your ego, have you see that you should have fought for me. For us. You should have been our rock, our salvation, our proof that hope prevails. You should have been our father.

(adapted/compiled from various journal entries 1993-2006)