Party and Pride...

So life has been a bit chaotic lately. I have been trying to find a place here in NY, then I get sick as a dog with strep throat and the flu. I have been miserable the last week and a half. Stress has a weird way of beating down your body. I have a tendancy to internalize everything that is going on in my life so of course it just weekens the immune system. However, it isn't to say that I have been a total potato and laying on the couch all day. I have been getting lost in the world of NYC, and yes, it is a world unto itself. I have been speaking with various people here and everyone bitches how small Manhattan really is. I don't see how that is possible to tell you the truth. I have been lost in the great masses of people swarming in the subways, streets, and buildings. I feel infinitely small dispite my 6'4" frame and dark and brooding way. I sit on the subway and watch what other people are thinking about. Sad faces, happy faces, angry and confused faces, scared, excited, lost, intimidated, and inquisitive faces. I swear though, if one of those faces sneezes or coughs on me again, I will have to flip out. Not used to my space being all invaded like that. Cooties everywhere.

I have been to a few of the places that I used to sleep when I was without a home in early 90's. Alot has changed in many of those places. One of the areas is now "up-and-coming". It is called Red Hook. Back in 93', if you were intelligent you did not go into Red Hook. Very, very dangerous and industrial. I am not sure if cops actually even bothered to go through there, to tell you the truth. If you got jacked up or stabbed chances were that was the last place you human eyes would see. Now, it has huge lofts for rent and there are some cute resturants by the water. Lots of artists are moving in. I can't believe it! There was also this park off of Carroll St. in Brooklyn that I used to crash at too. It was right up against a school. I think I felt safest there, even though I had to stay well enough hidden from the cops so I wouldn't get hauled off. I got this huge lump in my throat when I went to visit it again. I brought a video camera but I just couldn't get the nerve up to record anything. My stomach is churning as I write this. It was such a shitty moment in my life. I am still not over it, so I am gonna change the subject. I don't like this feeling.

Soooo, please take a look at some of the amazing stuff Brad from Willing Warrior has posted lately. He has been doing some amazing stuff. The most recent Vlog he posted has some great footage from San Fransico Pride that Gina provided and some footage from the Anti-Violence Project Rally that I sent. It is interesting to see the two different points of view and thoughts from the two different coastal communities. I especially like an answer that a woman provided about what pride meant to her. She just wasn't sure anymore. It seems the concept and the idea of pride has changed lately (last 10 years). I don't think the message from the Stonewall Riots of '69 is still with us anymore.

Goose Step!

On Saturday, June 17th, I participated in the Anti-Violence Project rally for Kevin Aviance (Eric Snead, 38) and the two other groups of gays that were viciously attacked approximately a week after the President of the United States voiced his support of the Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution and publicly stated his bigotry. June 10th and 11th was a bad 24 hours for the GLBT people of New York City. Was it a sneak peak into the future? Well, hopefully the protest helped put the word out that we as a individuals and as a community are tired, scared, and angry. This should not be happening in the most conservative of towns in this country. Men and women should not have to be looking over their shoulders. Nor concerned about their gestures, their voices, or their thoughts. They should not have to be walking to get the attention of local authorities, the politicians, or the man who holds the highest office in the land. I cannot get over how much this man continues to disgrace this great office.

The rally/protest began at 14th and 1st and continued through parts of the East Village and up to Christopher Park (4th and Christopher St.), where the infamous Stonewall Bar is located. It was in June of 1969 that the famous Stonewall Riot started the movement for equal rights. Appropriate the we ended up there. Approximately 1500 GLBT people walked. Wished it was more, but it has to start somewhere, right?? It seemed an easy thing to do, and a beautiful day to do it. Maybe you saw something about it on the news? There were plenty of press but it seems that there hasn't been too much about it. Well, its a start. What have you done lately?

New York City!

Ok, so finally got to the Big Apple after an absolutely terrifing moment in the air. Other than that everything has been oddly easy. I literally breezed through security, walked onto the plane, and to my pleasure had a window seat without even asking for one. Which never happens, especially on American Airlines. I seriously dislike that airline, I have had nothing but issues with them since I have started flying. I try not to use the blog to diss corporations, but seriously I would love to sit in one of the training classes for their customer service. I was gung-ho on counting all the smiles and thank-yous I got from their airlines...I swear I got one. Well, the one was from this nice stewardess who was all Chatty Cathy, but turns out she wanted a make-up application. Midflight. Yes, you read right, she wanted me to do her makeup as we were flying over that tropical storm, and literally bouncing all over the eastern seaboard. I though I was in that free fall ride you see at most amusement parks. I honestly never get all freaked out on planes, but this time I was a bit on edge. Everyone around me was practically snorting Zanex off the tray tables. One woman was crying hysterically 3 rows up and the guy ahead of me to my left kept puking in the barf bag. Yes, that bad. I've had 2 emergency landings with AA, and I was expecting this to be lucky number 3. But hey, they had Diet Dr. Pepper and they gave me the whole can so I was appeased.

Anywhatever, I am here and just in my own world. This is a city for the independant. I enjoy so much to be alone sometimes. Then, if I want I can just turn to the person next to me and strike up a conversation. I find it so much cheaper here in NYC, too. Oddly. Miami Beach just literally sucked me dry emotionally and financially. Sure rent is a bit more here, if I want to live in the city, but seriously out of control with how much you save eating out. I found a gym that was 245 bucks for the year. I almost laughed the papaya protein shake right out of my nose. And then proceeded to fall in love with this guy who kept staring at my tattoos. GAWD, he was flawless, and his body was S-I-C-K. I couldn't strike the nerve to ask him if he was a trainer, cause I would shell out big bucks and live on the street again for a body like that. But, I digress.

I went to Governer's Island yesterday before the anti-violence project rally. More on the rally at a later time. Governer's Island until recently was closed off to the general public and was used exclusively as a base and housing for Coast Gaurd, Navy, and the State Department. The only picture my mother ever gave me, one that shows me at 3 or 4 years old was taken here. My father was working for the State Department and enlisted with the Coast Gaurd. I almost threw up once I saw the place we lived. I didn't expect to recognize it, I remeber the view of the Statue of Liberty, and the brown "barrack-y" style of housing. Most of all I remembered the park that was kitty-corner to the house. It looks the same, just well...smaller. These weird memories of getting into trouble kept popping into my head. I supposed these are some off my first memories that were imprinted on my mind, all twinged with darkness. I want to blab away here, but I think it is best to keep these memories to myself. My own little security blanket from my lost youth. Funny, how I can't remember one "I love you".

Son of a Bitch...

Its less than 48 hours before I jump on a plane and begin a new adventure in New York City. I am just all twitter-patted, butterflies in the tummy running around my apartment here in Miami Beach making sure everything is spik-n-span. I am sooooo stoked to be leaving Miami for many reasons, but one of the top ones would have to be the gosh darned tropical storms. First one of the season hits Florida tomorrow and we have been about a week into the season. I am stoked that New York, dispite at one point being one of the scariest places for me, is going to open up its arms to me. There actually will be a GLBT community where I can help out. I can hold hands with some cutie in Chelsea or West Villiage after a nice date. From what I've heard the men like to date up there in New York. How refreshing! A safe little piece of urban heaven. Then I read this:


A singer whose songs have topped the Billboard dance chart was attacked by a group yelling anti-gay slurs, and four people were arrested on hate-crime charges, police and his publicist said.

Kevin Aviance, 38, underwent surgery for a broken jaw after the attack Saturday, said his publicist, Len Evans. Police said the singer, whose song "Alive" hit the top of the chart in 2002, was in stable condition.

A group of six or seven men attacked Aviance early Saturday, and passers-by did not stop to help as they threw objects at him, Evans said.

Four people were arrested on charges of first-degree assault as a hate crime, police said. They were identified as Jarell Sears and Akino George, both 20; Gregory Archie, 18; and Gerard Johnson, 16.

Aviance performs in drag but was "dressed like a boy" when he was attacked, Evans said. He had planned to take part in next week's Gay Pride parade and festivities, but will now be unable to perform, the publicist said.

Other popular songs by the singer have included "Give It Up," released in 2004, and "Din Da Da," which topped the Billboard dance chart in 1997.

I have had the pleasure of making Mr. Aviance's acquaintance a few times in my life. My heart goes out to him. I wonder how much hope he had that one person in one of those cars wouldn't actually throw something at him, and would help him out. I wonder how angry he is. I will blame this attrocity on the President. I will blame it on the Mary Cheneys, Jerry Falwells, the Pat Robersons, the Pope. I blame the complacent, the ignorant, the weak. I blame the media, the shock jocks, the bible thumpers. I place the blame on these people because they have made it acceptable to continue the blatant hatred for a group of people, to continue the cycle of violence. Thank you sooooo freaking much Mr. President, for putting those words of hate out there for all the younguns to see and expand upon. Thanks.

Social Services...

As of Monday this week, 652 children from state care have been listed as missing from the Department of Children and Families. Out of the 652, about 175 are from South Florida (Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach etc.). Of those 175, five are listed as "endangered", 11 are believed to be have been abducted by noncustodial parents, and 158 are listed as runaways. None of these statistic list whether the child has been identified GLBT or questioning. So, here is what you can gather from these statistics. 652 human beings are *poof*, gone. Like Bryan Hayes (Jacksonville), 14 years old and his friend Mark Degner, 13. They were both living in a group home, and ran away from the home on Feb. 10th, 2005 . Over a year ago, and they just disappeared. The state assumes that they are still on the street.

You also can gather from the statistics, that if a child has been taken out of the home for neglect or abuse, put into foster care, there is still a good chance that they will be kidnapped out of the foster care situation by the care givers that were originally the ones that had their custodial rights taken away. Meaning...the state puts the kid into foster care, let say the reason being because the mother of the kids put his/her hand to the stove for misbehaving. Said mother has her custodial (parenting) rights taken away. Said mother thinks to herself..."Screw you, you ain't telling me how to raise my kids!" and kidnapps the kid from school, or the front yard of the foster home and disappears. Well, do they actually disappear? Really? They have to get a job. They can't just pop off the map. Right??

I don't know what "endangered" means. I mean I do, I am not an idiot. I don't know what the Department of Children & Families considers "endangered". Why is it in quotes? Is that a way of placating the situation? "...it's bad, but not THAT bad" is what I get from that. That is 5 (only going on the South Florida stats) that they know about. I mean of the 158 runaways, how many of their statuses changed to "endangered". And, wouldn't running away at 13, 15, or 17 still put them in the condition "endangered"? There is also an "pressumed" total not released or talked about. Pressumed meaning dead. Like Rilya Wilson who would be ten in September, who disappeared from her foster home at 5 years old. Her caregiver has been accused of her murder, although no body or clues to where this child is were never found.

So, why do teens/kids feel that there is no other way out of their abusive foster care programs except to run away? How much overhaul does the state run program need to be effective in helping these kids? Man this is one big mess!! I will be speaking with someone at ChrisKids.org soon. Hopefully they will help guide me through this big, horrible mess.

Burn Baby Burn!!

So, at the risk of sounding trite I wanted to address this whole schpeal about the FMA, that our President has taken to rehash in the public arena. Rumor has it that there is no way in hell that it will pass in the Senate. Then again, we didn't think this warmonger was going to last into his second term. So, that said I will not even begin to address the possibilities of the FMA passing. I just wanted to point out that even if there is limited support, and the majority of the world can see through his b.s. political fodder, he still was very vocal about it. He used his entire radio address to talk about it. He spent 10 minutes on T.V. about it on Monday, and is still talking about it to his fellow policians about it. This is my problem. Even if everyone collectively gives him the finger, those words are out there. Those statements about activist judges, is still out there. There ARE people listening. There ARE people who are ignorant enough to believe that he is correct. There ARE people who will vote in a new breed of Neo-Conservative just based on this issue. That's it. There are people who could care less about them rag heads in the Middle East, the homelessness, the utter lack of affordable healthcare, them black people in the Dafur region, them Israelis killing Palestinians, or any other humanist points. If it says so in the good book that gays are bad, and our President of Our Great Nation says he wants to alienate 10% of the population, then by golly lets say a prayer for him and his causes. Not sure if ol' Gorgie Pie has actually taken a look at that tattered document recently, but somewhere in there is a point about the separation of church and state. When sworn into office he promised to uphold that document and all that it stood for. How do we think he is doing so far with that...hmmmm?

Oh yeah, little side note. Anyone know where that bitch Mary Cheney is hiding out? Maybe where her next book signing may be? That traitor is a disgrace to her people, and someone needs to take the toaster, the rainbow flag, and the handbook away from her. She is freaking clueless and it won't be until they are transporting her LESBIAN ass to the detention center duly named for her father, when she will realize she is a sell out. The Dick Cheney Detention Center for the Sexual Degenerates (a Haliburton Subsidiary)

Le Sigh...

I jumped in the ocean at 6:12 am. I floated on the calm sea staring at the pink and orange beginings of a new day. Watched the homeless men and women pack up their sleeping mats of dirty card board and stashing them underneath life gaurd stands. Stared at the tiny explosions of light on that inviting azure sea. My thoughts were all jumbled up. I snicker at my paranoid thoughts of huge sharks gobbling me up as I let the gentle movement of the sea rock me into a new morning. Or mourning. I get frustrated at this one piece of seaweed that keeps brushing up on my arm. I dislike that prickly attention-getting ecosystem that just doesn't want to move on. The water is like tepid bathwater. My thoughts are still all jumbled up. Why did I get so angry last night. Why didn't I just break down and throw a good old fashioned tantrum? Why did I excuse myself from a conversation with wonderful people to collect my tears brimming on the edge. What were those tears? Angry ones, sad ones, frustrated ones? Why didn't I just let go? Why is that damned seagull screaching like that??? Go away bird, I am trying to enjoy...my jumbled up thoughts.

Shelter Number One...

Ali Forney was a homeless transgendered teen forced to live on the streets of New York in 1990's. Ali was dedicated to the safety of other homeless queer youth, a committed HIV prevention worker (he bragged about being HIV negative), and aggressively advocated that the NYPD investigate a series of murders of homeless queer youth that he had befriended. In December of 1997, Ali was murdered on the streets. His murderer has never been identified. He was 21.

I contacted the center that was named for him this weekend. I wanted to know some facts about them aside what I could find on the website. I chatted briefly with Carl Siciliano the executive director of the Ali Forney Center. He has no cases of prosecution, or statistics he could refer to. This was his reply in regards to my question:

"When we encounter someone under the age of 18 who is not in the care of their parents we notify the New York State office of Children and Family Services. If parents are found to be neglecting or abusing their kids it can result in legal consequences including the placement of their other children in the foster care." -- Carl Siciliano

It can? Can result? What about does result? Do these children's dead beaten bodies actually have to be removed from the home before ANYONE is held accountable?? Mr. Siciliano and those youth shouldn't have to cross their fingers that something will be done. Mr. Siciliano shouldn't have to call in every favor he can just to get some celebrity to show up at his fund raising event to support the home and foundation he cares for. The money should be pouring in. Oh and read this little outdated statistic:

From 1995 to 1997, the [N.Y.] Department of Youth and Community Development failed to spend nearly $1 million it had budgeted for housing for homeless youths, which resulted in a loss of an additional $1.5 million in matching funds from the state. The department says it will leave $450,000 unspent in 1998, because shelters are unpopular with neighborhoods. --The New York Times

There is currently estimated 12,000 to 20,000 homeless youth on the street in New York City. That is a shit load of kids scrounging for food in dumpsters, sleeping on subway trains, trickin' on Coney Island, smokin' $5-$10 vials of crack in back alleys, that is gotta be...what...lets say 100,ooo tears shed by them in fear, self pity, doubt, lack of faith, dispair? How many of those have been shot dead, their killers never found? I am freaking lucky, tell you what.

Ali Forney Center for Homless GLBT Youth:
Our mission is to help homeless LGBT youth be safe and become independent as they move from adolescence to adulthood. Too many of these youth are rejected by their families and the broader community, and are thus forced to survive on the streets, facing the dangers of violence, HIV infection and homophobia. AFC is committed to providing homeless LGBT youth with the services they need to thrive, including shelter, HIV prevention and vocational training.
(there are currently only 18 beds at the AFC...they hope to have 24 by the end of the year)

www.aliforneycenter.org Hit up the website, donate even if it is canned food...they need it!

And the Challenge Begins...

Alrighty, lets begin. Step one was to contact legal services at Lambda Legal dot Org. Pose the question and just sit back; go surfing...have a beer, and have all the millions of statistics, case studies, or profiles land on my lap. I must have had a flashback from my partying days 'cause I was high as a mofo to think it was that easy. I was contacted yesterday by a wonderful woman in the Southeastern Division of Lambda Legal named Nancy and we chatted away like a couple o' school girls. They had no cases that they actively pursued in the prosecution of parents. None. What losers! Ha-haaa, kidding of course. Nor did they have statistics of this scenario, or knew of anyone that was taking the initiative to do so. She wasn't sure if child welfare services throughout the country singled out gay youth and treated those cases differently. She did say that they work closely with an organization called the Child Welfare League of America in attempting to place abandoned kids into foster care. She would like me to keep in contact with her about what I discover once I contact my other leads. She did say that Lambda Legal would be interested in backing me (us?) once we figured out what the hell we wanted to do. She wondered if I was planning to use my story to become the catalyst. I immediately said no, but maybe I jumped the gun a little. I would figure that most of America wouldn't really care about a past case. People like tangency and have to have it NOW! So, I would think a face someone can identify with currently being alienated would be better, right? I dunno, I have to think about that a bit more.
So, Nancy gave me more leads and suggestions. She assured me that what we (queer podcasters, bloggers, and vloggers) are going to be the new wave of activism. We will be allowed to fight and get the word out without the FCC breathing down our back, or the outside influence of advertising. She is glad not everyone out there is complacent.
So, if you aren't familiar with Lambda Legal, please check it out. I am going to go as far to say you should donate to them instead of HRC who, although do some great work, have big party fundraising and PR people working for them all the time. L.L. has been quietly fighting for our rights as human beings, without asking for applause or a kiss on the cheek. They have so much work to do, especially with our elected officials wanting to impose their bigoted beliefs into the constitution. Read up on them. Put links on your own blogs. They are there for us, if and when we need them.

A Stern Begining...

This picture was taken by Kelly Stern in good ol' boy Richmond, Virginia. Right at the first hole in the Bible Belt. He has a lovely manicured front lawn, don't he?? Well Mr. Stern posted this picture on his blog and suggested that the bloggersphere do the same to show some solidarity. I heard about it on The Krebs Cycle (another blog/podcast I have grown to enjoy) and thought, what the heck. Why not. I know there are some people out there who don't want to rock the boat. Those who live in fear and would not like to draw attention to themselves. People who are just hoping that if they become invisible or unobtrusive that the country will see them (the GLBT community) as a "non-threat" and appease us by giving us some rights. Bitches, that ain't happening. On the eve of our President's intended State of the Union address where he plans to let the world know that he will be pushing for a constitutional amendment that write discrimination/oppression/hate into our wonderful Constitution, we need to wake up. Period. I am not saying that we all need to be flag twirling sistas' but if just posting this one picture on your blog, vlog, podcast shows that you stand by those who will be vocal in their fight for your rights then please, go visit kellystern.blogspot.com and get the picture. Give him credit, and give yourself a little glimmer of hope. Peace out my brothas' and sistas'!!

Back Again...

I apologize for the grammatical catastrophe I am about to make with the following post:

So yeah, took a break. Had some things going on like trying to move, making sure it was the right move blah, blah, blah. I wrote of course, just for me. I do what I want, right? Right? I did create, mind you. I can't let myself go to hell in a hand basket now can I? I had the pleasure of speaking with Brad from the Willing Warrior this evening about some things I have went through during my brief stay on Ol' Momma Earth. I was a bit flustered to tell you the truth, speaking so candidly about a part of my history for potentially a few people that I may or may not encounter, with someone I admire for what he has grown into. Not so much being afraid of judgment from people, cause frankly you can bite me if you don't like my choices. More-so, I hope the point I am trying to work on, not necessarily make was conveyed.

So, in essence my voice on this blog has changed because of Brad and my brief conversation. A question was raised in our talk, one that I have been juggling for a while. Since I decided to pose it to myself, being the Curious Curtis that I am I had to get answers. It was too complex of a problem to let slide. And, because I have chosen to start turning up the fire under my burner I can't let it go. The question was this: If the thought of turning a child away, in essence , disowning them because the are gay, lesbian, transgendered, or bisexual is such a horrible thing why aren't these parents being prosecuted/charged for child abandonment or neglect. If a parents responsibility is with that child until they are 18, why aren't these responsibilities enforced?
Then more questions arose from this initial question arose. Many. I mean tons. Like, if these kids are well rounded otherwise (good grades, potential for success etc.) why has it been considered ok to kick them out? Is it the stigma attached with having a gay kid? Is it religion? Or how about law enforcement? What are they doing to help the kids they may pick up on the street? Do they contact the parents? Do they let them know of their responsibilities? What about money for prosecution? When the enforcement of the law comes into play for these youth, I would have to imagine the case load would increase. How about social services? We all know that shit hole of a system needs to be overhauled and restructured? Where do they get money for that? Do they set money aside to accommodate GLTB youth? What about our own people, when do they stand up and realize the kids are the future of our movement? Many, many questions. Overall consensus on my part? Something needs to be done. Period. We need a base to start from. We need to work on our community, work from within. Make ourselves strong. That way we don't need to water ourselves down, make us mainstream. Since when did taking away our individuality become the norm to gaining our rights, which is about freaking time we get.
So, in closing of this atrocity of a rambling diarrhea of thought I have realized that I still need to work on some things in myself. I realize that I can't just hope things are gonna work themselves out. Life isn't that simple unfortunately. If they were I would be writing about how tight my ass is looking lately. Glad to be back.

www.willingwarrior.com