Again?

PRISCILLA PIMENTAL

On Friday, when relatives arrived at her apartment to check on her, they found dishes unwashed by the kitchen sink, and her bed, a mattress on the floor, unmade.

A gay pride flag was spread across her bedroom floor, below the blood-streaked walls.

Priscilla, from Bethlehem, PA., a very small town where everyone knows your business, moved to New York in her teens. She made the move because she knew she was gay, and wanted to avoid hurting her mother's feelings. Being from a large Puerto Rican family she knew the stigma associated with homosexuality, especially in Latin culture. Yet despite the move, she remained close with her family often visiting home often full of jokes and witty impersonations.

She was a bartender in Queens and building a life for her self in the upcoming lesbian community. She had a relationship with a woman for about two years that she took home twice to meet the family. When the relationship ended a few months back, she took up skydiving and recently dyed her hair flaming red. She seemed to be loving life.

She was found Friday bound with her hands behind her back, and stabbed multiple time in the bathtub, along with her dog Gucci. Now, currently the investigation is under way and the police have admitted that there was no forced entry, but they did mention that the possibility Priscilla was targeted because she was gay, was certainly one of the top motives being investigated. Especially, since Queens has been seeing a rise in hate crimes this year. I hope that she wasn't targeted for this reason. As I hear more stories of crimes against gays, lesbians, and transgendered people I keep wondering when our elected leaders are going to wake up and realize that we need anti-discrimination legislation. With this country's politicians constantly pandering to the religious right I wonder if we will get this legislation. It isn't a religious right to not live in fear, it is a basic human right.

Ain't That Some Shit?

So, my Thanksgiving was uneventful as far as the dinner and all that junk is concerned. It was a nice and calm holiday for me, and I couldn't been anymore thankful. I was nice and lazy, did some volunteering, and went to a friend's house for the extremely traditional turkey dinner. I think Thanksgiving is a day to catch up with people that you have been meaning to get in touch with for a while. Now, admittedly I took the easy route on some calls and did the whole text message thing. So, a bit embarassed by that tackiness, so if you got a text message from me, it had to have been later in the day when I was mentally drained and not in the mood to talk on the phone. I has no reflection on who you are at all, swear! Mentally drained you ask? But why, it was a "lazy day" and all, right? Well, in certain respects, yes it was. Until I decided to try and get ahold of some aunts on my mother's side.

So, first up was dear Auntie Cathy (after trying to get ahold of my godmother with no luck since she changed all her numbers). Now, I feel I have spoken with her more recently but apparently it has been some time since I have reached out. Now, my aunt is the oldest sibling of my mother. And, my mom loathed her because she felt she got all the attention, being first born and all. My mother could have spent about 10 years in therapy just for these feelings. Anywho, she caught me up on the gossip of the family and herself. The godmother got married to some filthy rich old guy. (Thanks for the invite!) I need to mention that my godmother was the second one in her family to get a divorse after my mother. She was married to a woman hating, drunkard, ex-priest. Yes, her former husband was a priest when she met him. Scandal!! Anywho, so she married rich. Good for her. My Aunt Cathy, too is divorsed. The third in the family to get divorsed. It has been about 4 and a half years. Her husband was a cold and selfish man, also a friend of the bottle. Which of course is too bad, because Cathy really only wanted to have a family and a farm. She had all that until she realized that the man was a dick. Then the bombshell!!

While divorsing her husband, Cathy moved off the farm, her pride and joy and moved in with a fellow pediatric nurse and confidant we'll call Michelle. Well, needless to say Cathy and Michelle haven't left each other's side since shortly after moving in. That's right, my Aunt Cathy, the oldest child in an extremely devout Catholic family, married to her husband for 25 years, had three kids by him, and now divorsed...is a lesbian! This relationship is going on 4 years. I have spoken to other members of the family and there has been no mention of Michelle! Even my grandmother has kept me in the dark. Well, I guess I now know what side of the gene pool I get it from!

I am happy for her, she really seems shocked by it all. Even four years later. She is begining to see the hypocrisy of the Catholic faith as well as her family. The sisters will not speak of it, nor is Cathy's partner included in any family events. Cathy's kids have no problems with it, so that is the upside to the whole matter. However, it appears that I being the rebel black sheep of the family, aside from my mother, is now out of that spotlight. The torch has been passed to Cathy. Here's why. Aparently, everyone thinks that I am straight (or at least going through a phase). So guess who has to come out of the closet AGAIN at the next family function? Moi! Which at 31 years old, is so lame. I am not really sure what I am supposed to do with this information! I am awash with emotion. Aside from continuously having to pick my jaw off the floor every time I think about it, I am also thinking how great it would have been to have a lesbian aunt when I was coming out and on the streets. Apparently my mother told everyone that I was gay when I was young, well before I even knew what I wanted. I could have used some guidance. And who the hell else has a secret? Who else might be gay? Cousins, uncles? Any of my brothers? Man, this so called life is just filled with some crazy ass shit, ain't it?? I need to start writing a book, cause it doesn't get any better than this. Actually, it probably does. Stay tuned, beyotches.

Turkey Day!

It is nice and dreary today, the big holiday when we are to give thanks for everything that we have including this great country stolen by whiping out an indigenous people. I don't mind so much the rain actually. I was far too lazy to actually get out of my snug and cozy bed. So those who are on the parade route are very brave. Or really stupid, I haven't figured out which. So, I sip my French Roast coffee, in my new apartment in New York's West Village, waiting for my crepe dijonaisse to finish cooking up. I have opt out of the family celebrations this year for a few reasons all of which have left me with peace of mind.

I've decided to stay away from Miami for the holiday for one major reason. Now, I have been labeled an instigator for a fight, or a sour puss by some. I could care less actually, I feel my point needed to be made and I might have to continue the point into the Christmas season. Here it is. My Uncle Rob (we'll call him that because that is his name) has been dating this woman for a few years named Pam. Now most members of my father's family don't really like the chic, but understand that Rob does, so grumbles are kept behind closed doors. Until the wine comes out. I have been nice to her, I think my family can be really critical so I of course gave her a chance. Until recently. Pam, has two daughters. One of which is recently turned 17. And, she was caught in bed with another young lady, by my uncle. I saw that coming a mile away, you know, gay-dar and all. However, the turn of events afterward has floored me. It is well known in the family that I am openly gay, and chapion for gay/lesbian rights, especially when it comes to gay youth. So, when I recently heard that Pam's daughter moved out of her house and in with the girlfriend. My eyebrow was raised.

Pam is a girly girl. Well, actually more like trailer tramp but I ain't one to judge. Her daughter is not. At all. I mean she could kick my ass. Her mom has been trying to get me to "help" her daughter out by pleading with me to set up a photoshoot for modeling, teach her makeup technique etc. Said daughter, (can't remember her name, so we will go with Thelma) seemed receptive but only to try and elevate herself in her mother's eyes. Now that Thelma has found herself, and realized her true self, mommie dearest has done what every non-existant parent does when they find out that their child is gay. Become more distant, protect their image, and cushion their egos, and alienate said child. So much so that obviously the condition in the home has become so unbearable that Thelma moved out. The second this occured, the locks were changed. See where this is going??

So, knowing Pam would be at Thanksgiving dinner at my father's house I let the old man know I really cannot support this woman anymore, and really didn't want to be in the same house with her. Her behavior is unbelievavble, and I shouldn't be expect to hold my tongue around someone who is such a bigot. I've learned to shut my mouth when it comes to my opinion on the Republican party. However, I just can't back down on this other matter. Am I being fair? I mean, it really isn't my place to tell someone how to raise their children? I suppose not, so why not show up and become a walking tirade? Frankly, I just don't want to deal with the drama that will ensue once I get a glass of Proseco in me. That is what Christmas dinner is for. So, I sold out in some aspect. Then again, I have watch my hips so I am saving myself a few extra miles on the treadmill. Today, on this day of thanks, I am thankful that I can sleep in, I don't have to cook the potatoes. Don't have to deal with bigotry and ignorance. Its a good day.

Heads or Tails!

It is fascinating to me how people take for granted their own lives. Me, having been quite reckless myself many of times can't really judge too much, but I was completely aware of my actions. I was pushing the envelope as close to death as I could, just to feel alive. More-so because I could. However, the comes a time (or a few) when you just want to throttle someone and slap them silly. Especially since said person is throwing away precious borrowed moments for a good taste of old fashion drama and attention.
Now, I cannot presume to understand the mental anguish someone with HIV/AIDS lives with on a daily business. I would be a fool and arrogant to say that I did. We all have our subjects we know more about than others. With the exception of one man, every friend that I have that is HIV positive understands that they are on a timetable. It is its own entity, HIV. Those same people are some of the most amazing people I have ever encountered. They live and fight and educate and encourage. Bad days, yes. But for the most part you can see some amazing examples of what make humans unique in their ability to adapt and persevere.
This one man, my ex, is a train wreck waiting to happen. I mean one of those high speed Euro trains kinda wreck. I knew I shouldn't have dated him, and I had some of the best advice I have ever gotten from someone about dating someone with HIV, and still I dove right in trying to fix him. No regrets of course, I had fun but I did it all for the wrong reasons. I wasn't in love with him, I was in love with the idea of loving someone who is broken. Since I have suffered a whole bunch, I hate seeing others who are suffering. My big flaw is that I try too hard to help. Its a flaw because I sometimes let my normal instincts get clouded. In his case I am trying to be a friend after the fact, and I am seeing now that this most likely will not be able to take place. I don't want to divulge any of the mind games he plays, because that would be...well...third grade of me. However, I am furious at the fact he doesn't take care of himself physically. Piles of coke, pills, crystal, booze. Sometimes a day without eating. Uppers to wake up, downers to sleep. Even more frustrating is the fact that he is completely aware of what he is doing and his reasoning is that he just wants to have fun. Six years into his diagnosis and all he wants to do is just have fun. Is it my place to even get mad at him? It's his life right? What the fuck should I care if he is going sliding into the grave ridden hard and haggard! Maybe because I value his life just as much as I value mine. It is a gift. No matter how hard I have had it, I always wanted to live.

Catching the Sun...

The Democrats now control the House and the Senate, Rumsfeld resigns and the world is all better, right? What a nice little dream that would be. I went to a political event on Saturday for Equality Florida. It was at a club (of course) and sponsored by alcohol companies (double of course) and from what I could tell it was a party for cruising. Ok, maybe I am being a tad jaded, but everyone was all about Gay Marriage this, and Gay Marriage that. Puhlease. Now, I am a hopeless romantic as I have said before, and all for the house with the vineyard and 3.2 kids and husband but why the gay caucus adopted "gay marriage" as acceptable terminology for basic human rights is bizarre. It is phrase created by the Christian and Conservative Right to get their core base fired up about the conspiratorial gay agenda. Implications that we 'mos want to spread our evil ways and take over the institution of marriage. However, of course it is a legal contract to protect two peoples assets (etc.). Ok, so why this big push?? Why does everyone have to use this phrase. Don't you think that shit will get passed easier if we just change the labeling?
I also noted that people were talking about the rumors of our new Gov. Elect Charlie Crist. Yes, those rumors. Butt Pirate, fudge packer, friend of Dorothy. It was on everyone's lips. Hell, my father knew before I did. People were actually EXCITED that there could be a chance that he would win. Now that he is in, if the rumors are true, then Floridians should be worried. Since I am registered here (but live in NY) I have to be concerned for my fellow mo's rights. Gov. Charlie Crist has publicly stated that he is against "gay marriage" and would vote against any measures that came across his desk. Rumors be true, shouldn't we be concerned that there is a closeted gay man in office working for the Republican agenda in a state already reeling from the Mark Foley fiasco? Don't get me started on that fool. Its too easy.
The point I am haphazardly trying to make is this. Our people, or nation or whatever you want to call gays/lesbians as a whole is STILL missing the point. Marriage is not as important that lets say a national anti-discrimination law. Wasn't there a couple of guys in Idaho that got three years for nearly killing two gay men in a vicious gay bashing?? What about the rights of gay youth and their education? Don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but before we accomplish something amazing as "gay marriage" maybe our youth should feel confident enough to come out at 10 or 15 or 18. What about addressing the ever growing racism in our community? Hey, look the nation wants some changes and their votes reflected that. What about us? Do we think things are going to get better? Are you encouraged by the changes? The time is ripe, carpe diem and all that jazz.