Buh-bye 2006!
So, what a year huh? It was chock full of hum-dingers, from the Canadian ice shelf breaking off to the Republican morality scandals. Granted you couldn't really rely on the traditional press to give accurate news, so we turned to alternate ways of communication, educating ourselves from every corner of the Earth. We made friends 3,000 miles away, marveled at each other's creativity and determination to have their voices hear. I sit on my bed typing this, clearing my cobwebs with a good cup o' joe, hours away from a New Year biting my lip in anticipation. I mean, seriously I am going blind into 2007 no clue as to what is going to happen. I'll be damned if it ain't exhilarating as hell.
It seems this Holiday season was wrought with tension and anxiety. Everyone seems to be running around blindly, more tense than a cat on a hotplate. Honestly, the spirit has just been sucked right out of the season. I would have been more comfortable staying in New York and volunteering or something of the sort. Instead, I had to jump on a plane, and camp out in Florida for 8 days, run around and fight the crowds to buy gifts with what little flow I have left. I cannot state enough of how not into it I was. I think being alone (as in boyfriendless, again) also brought me down a bit. This is like the 500th Christmas without a significant other, and I swear I am about to go through ANOTHER New Years Eve kissing a friend instead of someone I want to plow like a pornstar. Alright, enough of the pity party and back to family. Sooooo, I did enjoy most of the stay in Florida, because I was hammered most of the time. One thing about my family, they like to slosh them back. Only thing is, once the alcohol starts being consumed, the fluff disappears and the truth comes out.
One prevailing theme this year: Joshua needs all the support, since he is too skinny, apparently starving in New York, broke, wasting his life on ambitious artistic dreams, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am sure everyone hears harping around the holidays, but for me drinking eggnog laced with half a bottle of whiskey was not enough to muffle the words of doubt, or blur the looks of pity and concern. From my grandmother (whom currently feels she is about to die) telling me I need to "come home" to my father telling me that I need to start making "this New York thing" work. What they don't see is how disconnected I feel every time I get off the plane in Miami. I just cannot find a reason to be there. I literally almost lost it about 50 times, and Christmas Eve was a exercise in restraint that would have Depak Chopra showering me with praise.
Even better, I find out the night I arrived that my stepmother is pregnant with twins. Oh yes, dad is 54 and about to have 2 new kids in his life. Now, there is a large part of me that is excited for the old man. I mean, new life is wonderful. I want kids of my own, if I ever get a freaking husband. I will be in my 60's when they hit my age. How nuts is that?? I know they have been trying to conceive for a couple of months, but it was still a shocker when I heard the news. I will be the godfather. It will be kinda weird giving spiritual guidance since I don't actually believe in a God. My stepmother is pretty religious, so I am sure we will but heads on my views of spirituality. It is a big step in both of their lives really. No more expensive trips to the far reaches of the world. Their mansion, which is a death trap with its 30 foot ceilings, 150 feet of waterfront, swimming pool, marble floors and cut coral staircase, will have to be sold. Since I expect my stepmother to be a stay at home mom, dear old dad will be practically living out of his office now. No more last minute house parties. And, biggest of all, I have absolutely no intentions of moving back to Miami to help out. None. I have a feeling that this was an expectation on everyone's part. No way, hell no, you gotta be kidding. I wish them all the luck in the world, I really do; but I cannot say how much I am valuing the distance between me and my family right now. Out of sight, out of mind so to speak. That is gut wrenching for me to say, since for such a long time I didn't have the access to any family. I fought for a long time to gain their support, love, understanding and made many sacrifices doing so. I have missed something in that process, and in 2007 I intend to find the lesson.
The New Year. At midnight, the slate wipes clean, and again you can rework your destiny. Reflect on past mistakes, triumphs, pain, happiness. It is easier said than done. Always is, especially admitting to yourself that some of your choices were not in your best interest. It is also a time to evaluate relationships, reestablish boundaries, take walls down, climb over others. So, when you are kissing someone into the New Year, or alone taking in the revelry on t.v., standing on your rooftop seeing the fireworks, just know somehow, somewhere you are making a difference. In the grad scheme of things, you are just a second burst of light. Just make sure that second dazzles and burns with such intensity that eternity will remember and will be blessed you tried your damnedest to make it count.
It seems this Holiday season was wrought with tension and anxiety. Everyone seems to be running around blindly, more tense than a cat on a hotplate. Honestly, the spirit has just been sucked right out of the season. I would have been more comfortable staying in New York and volunteering or something of the sort. Instead, I had to jump on a plane, and camp out in Florida for 8 days, run around and fight the crowds to buy gifts with what little flow I have left. I cannot state enough of how not into it I was. I think being alone (as in boyfriendless, again) also brought me down a bit. This is like the 500th Christmas without a significant other, and I swear I am about to go through ANOTHER New Years Eve kissing a friend instead of someone I want to plow like a pornstar. Alright, enough of the pity party and back to family. Sooooo, I did enjoy most of the stay in Florida, because I was hammered most of the time. One thing about my family, they like to slosh them back. Only thing is, once the alcohol starts being consumed, the fluff disappears and the truth comes out.
One prevailing theme this year: Joshua needs all the support, since he is too skinny, apparently starving in New York, broke, wasting his life on ambitious artistic dreams, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am sure everyone hears harping around the holidays, but for me drinking eggnog laced with half a bottle of whiskey was not enough to muffle the words of doubt, or blur the looks of pity and concern. From my grandmother (whom currently feels she is about to die) telling me I need to "come home" to my father telling me that I need to start making "this New York thing" work. What they don't see is how disconnected I feel every time I get off the plane in Miami. I just cannot find a reason to be there. I literally almost lost it about 50 times, and Christmas Eve was a exercise in restraint that would have Depak Chopra showering me with praise.
Even better, I find out the night I arrived that my stepmother is pregnant with twins. Oh yes, dad is 54 and about to have 2 new kids in his life. Now, there is a large part of me that is excited for the old man. I mean, new life is wonderful. I want kids of my own, if I ever get a freaking husband. I will be in my 60's when they hit my age. How nuts is that?? I know they have been trying to conceive for a couple of months, but it was still a shocker when I heard the news. I will be the godfather. It will be kinda weird giving spiritual guidance since I don't actually believe in a God. My stepmother is pretty religious, so I am sure we will but heads on my views of spirituality. It is a big step in both of their lives really. No more expensive trips to the far reaches of the world. Their mansion, which is a death trap with its 30 foot ceilings, 150 feet of waterfront, swimming pool, marble floors and cut coral staircase, will have to be sold. Since I expect my stepmother to be a stay at home mom, dear old dad will be practically living out of his office now. No more last minute house parties. And, biggest of all, I have absolutely no intentions of moving back to Miami to help out. None. I have a feeling that this was an expectation on everyone's part. No way, hell no, you gotta be kidding. I wish them all the luck in the world, I really do; but I cannot say how much I am valuing the distance between me and my family right now. Out of sight, out of mind so to speak. That is gut wrenching for me to say, since for such a long time I didn't have the access to any family. I fought for a long time to gain their support, love, understanding and made many sacrifices doing so. I have missed something in that process, and in 2007 I intend to find the lesson.
The New Year. At midnight, the slate wipes clean, and again you can rework your destiny. Reflect on past mistakes, triumphs, pain, happiness. It is easier said than done. Always is, especially admitting to yourself that some of your choices were not in your best interest. It is also a time to evaluate relationships, reestablish boundaries, take walls down, climb over others. So, when you are kissing someone into the New Year, or alone taking in the revelry on t.v., standing on your rooftop seeing the fireworks, just know somehow, somewhere you are making a difference. In the grad scheme of things, you are just a second burst of light. Just make sure that second dazzles and burns with such intensity that eternity will remember and will be blessed you tried your damnedest to make it count.
posted by Joshua-Myles at 10:06 AM
2 Comments:
another boyfriendless holiday! me too!
next time I'll kiss u under the mistletoe, if u want!
Happy New Year Joshua!
Wow, starting another family at 54! Good for your dad. I am so glad I had both of my sons before I hit 25. Now I have the energy to keep up with them, and being mistaken for their older brother on occasion is an ego boost as well!
:)
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