Random Blllaaaahhhhhh....

I love the smell of newsprint. I love cloud watching at night. Especially on a full moon. I hate when people read over my shoulder on the train. I love the smell of freshly baked croissants. Reminds me of Paris. I don't understand why people don't use turn signals. Is it that hard to "flick". I love the smell of fresh sea spray. But only from the coast of Spain or Miami Beach. Anything north of Ft. Lauderdale makes me sick. I hate platinum bleached hair, no matter what is does to the features. I love little old people. I just want to snatch them up in my six foot four frame and give them smootches. I love Black Cubans. I mean those amazing Afro-Carib people that just fucking LIVE. I love the sounds of a great Cuban jazz band. I hate Regaeton. I mean really, even if I understand the Spanish slang, it all sounds the same to me. I love other people's success. I hate that sometimes it doesn't translate to me. I want a man that will take care of me. I love being a hopeless romantic. I hate that I can't achieve it. I am not a big fan of New Orleans, dispite all their travesty I frankly could care less. I hate that it sounds so shallow that I say that. I love that I can be honest enough to do so. I hate that I was able to open up and be receptive to date an HIV positive man. I hate that he hates himself so much that he feels it was ok to date behind my back. Well maybe not hate, that is too harsh. I dislike it. There I said it. What? I love that I can make a mean ass crepe. I hate that I can't make a mean ass omlet to save my life. And by gawd I live by that stove. I love that I can actually cook on a stove, instead of a pile of crates and newspaper. I love that I can let my former life be...my former life. I love that I can reflect on my past mistakes. I hate that sometimes I miss the lessons. I love that I can have a crush on someone 3000 miles away and know nothing will ever happen. I hate that I can't jump on a plane run crying like a big queen and tell him how I feel. I love that I know that it is best that I don't. I love to drink good wine and hold it in, so you can feel that soft pressure of a full bladder. Makes you somehow feel alive. I hate when you "break the seal" and by God you pee 500 time in an hour. I hate hangovers. Yet, I give them to myself all the time. I love the feel off really cold sheet when you have a buzz. I love it even better when I am sober. I miss a good hug. I love a deep one. I don't do it enough. I hate that I am too afraid to touch. I hate that I am too afraid to hug. I hate that I am afraid that others won't love. I hate that I am scared to love myself. I love slugs. So gross I know. I love this weird fascination with slobbery dogs. Makes me feel like a boy. I love being mischevious. I love the fact that people see me as a being dark and brooding. I hate why people don't understand why I am. I love being alive damn it. I just freaking love it.