At An Impass...

I tried it again today. To video blog about something, anything that has to do with my past in the alleys, parks, warehouses. I mean, I don't know what the hell my problem is. Such a wimp, really! I mean, it was a month of homelessness. No more. It isn't fear, or anger that is holding me back. It is overwhelming sadness. Gut wrenching, nausiating, blinding sadness. But, no tears come. None, I swear to you I am trying to throw down in an over the top melodramatic make Meryl Streep jealous kinda tantrum. I think I might need to see a doctor about the tear ducts, 'cause clearly they is broke! I had a conversation with Brad and Marc a month or so back and I got closer to crying then. Well, I was angry and frustrated. Now, I expect to be balling my eyes out making a huge scene and bllaaaaahhhh. Nada dude. I ain't got shit. Except for this horrific and infinite sadness.

(post script: came back to this point. What do I have to feel sorry about? This is so confusing because this is not the one thing I took into consideration. Sadness. I was expecting anger, pain, rage, guilt, shame, even fondness or nostalgia. Not this ridiculous emotion. Grrrrr, next time I swear I am pushing record and going with it. Over that yucky feeling in the tummy.)