Words from Mother Teresa

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere, people may decieve you; be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight; CREATE anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today will often be forgotten; do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it may never be enough; give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”

--Mother Teresa

Ooopsie...

Ok, so I might have opened my mouth too quickly with Madge Weinstein. It is the Italian in me. Always wanting to get fired up. I am not shying away from my defensiveness, but I should have waited a bit. Max can still can kiss my ass. Still was good to get it off my chest though, because I can go night swimming in the bay. It is so beautiful out tonight.

Stirring up the hornets nest...

Well, it has been a few days since I have had the cause or the care to write my words. I'm sure there was a need to, but my heart, or rather my soul wasn't into it. Feeling a bit empty lately, no direction. Writing shit down didn't seem as though it would do anything. I have a tendency to internalize a lot of stuff that is happening in my life and I work these issues over and over in my head until I can come up with a resolution or at least an explanation. So I figured I would try and get some outside opinions on a few questions that were bubbling somewhere on the back burner of my thought process. Maybe I didn't ask my questions correctly, but I wasn't expecting the response I got. In fact, I was called "weasely" and "fuck cake" by various people, which didn't hurt my feelings or anything, but I did find it unnecessary, creative as these comments were. I have been trying to enlighten myself, and do so by listening to others, to see that we as a nation, or world can work together to create harmony with nature, the economy, but most of all each other. I have been kicked in the teeth for opening my mouth. What a waste.

The most questions that I have been asking myself lately have to deal with expatriates and their duties/responsibilities as members of a grassroots movement that is really starting to pick up some momentum in this country. I have been listening to expats and what they have to say (especially the Willing Warrior) and seriously thinking about taking that big jump AGAIN. Only this time I will be doing it for different reasons. This time I will be thinking about the bigger picture, and how it will effect ME. I am sick of worrying about what other people think about me and I need to listen to my soul too. However, to become an expat in this day and age, when the Constitution is being used as a place mat to the buffet table at the White House, is something I have to weigh heavily in my mind. It isn't only me I have to take into consideration. While Bush can talk to his cronies about how much fun it is to take away people's civil liberties, I have to be concerned about my well-being, as well as my family and friends. What would prevent this administration from seizing property from my father, or spying on my friends if I start really speaking my mind about this government and this President. He is doing this already!! This is not some kind of made up fairy tail, that some liberal zealot is making up. Granted I might be a bit vain in thinking these things would actually effect me, but I have to prepare none-the-less. On top of that, would leaving the U.S. be the right thing to do? Should I be staying here to fight in the trenches? Which way is the right way? I am a proud American and I want to express that to the world. Even though I am considered a second class citizen in my country, I feel I am not doing enough to make this country better. See my dilemma?

In trying to better myself I have opened my mind even more and listened to EVERYTHING that is going on around me. So, when I posed a few questions to Madge Weinstein (Richard) of Yeast Radio yesterday on the show's comment line, someone that I have looked up to for the plethora of knowledge that she has provided to us, I expected a different answer. Maybe I have projected my hopes of what that answer would be on my subconscious, but I expected an unbiased answer and especially one that wasn't so negatively charged. She assumed that I was some South Beach disco gym bunny that drove my SUV from party to party and totally misread my comment or at least took some of it out of context. I wanted to know what she thought of Expats (being one herself) and what might be some of the legal repercussions upon those same expats coming back into their country if they are vocal about their dissent mainly in regards to the Patriot Act. Legit question. Maybe I should have let her know that I had been an expat at one point in my life, that I have literally lived on the streets at 17, had no contact with anyone in my family for 10 years blah, blah, blah, to paint a picture of where I was coming from, but that was a waste of time and not necessary. There was more concern about why I didn't invite her out to coffee to comfort her in her time of need. Granted, that was a question that I passed around a couple of times, but it seem like a burden to ask to meet somewhere and not one that I should ask on the freaking comment line! Sorry, Madge my mind was somewhere else. I suppose the question was dumb. I just come from the class that states there are no stupid questions just stupid answers. I don't know where to go with her response.

Max from the Karma Banque stated that I was weasel. Fuck him. For his information, people pay their taxes every April 15th in THIS COUNTRY and still get their civil liberties trampled on, so what is preventing this administration from doing it to Americans in other countries. The CIA had a field day in Italy AND left a bill behind as a collective thumbing of their noses to the European Union. Why not you too Max? How would you like to get kidnapped off the street and sent to Guantanimo as a enemy combatant just for your words. Please stop acting like and arrogant economist licknob that is out to save the world. In this time of the upstart of a new grassroots movement Qpodders and the like need to be cautious about becoming fanatics and turning their words of wisdom into senseless banter that the American people tune out and turn to E! Television to see what is going on with the whole Bragelina/JeniVaughn situation. You have the power to take back the media, but you sure as shit not going pull anything off calling a listener a weasel and expect them to smile and take it without any lube. Uggg, I am getting way to preachy. I must be irked about this more than I thought. I am going insane?

Open your eyes...

I have been laid up in bed for the last couple of days with a wicked migraine so I haven’t had the opportunity to blog. My apartment became a cave until I broke down and went to the urgent care to get the drip. I have no idea why it kicked my ass so bad. Three days is way too long for a migraine. I can honestly say it was most likely brought on by stress, which is alarming. I haven’t had one in a while because I have been pretty good with meditating and clearing my mind of all the crap that I have a tendency to internalize. I suppose that with my start of my enlightenment and all the information I have been absorbing subconsciously I have been worrying about my future. I like to say that I look out for myself and could care less what other people do with their lives. That is a lie. I do care what other people do around me and I do have compassion. At this point though, with all of the information I have at my finger tips the concern of my well being has surpassed my little microcosm and involves the world as a whole. I am a part of this world and I have to survive in it, but as a person living in what has been labeled the greatest country in the world I am feeling more and more like a second class citizen. My voice is being muffled by banality. It hurts. Bad. Since the body and the mind have a connection, clearly the pain I am feeling mentally transposed to the body and gave me something tangible to accept as the truth. Stress will kill you, I am stressed, I have to fix that truth.

What am I to do except to educate myself more and continue the grass roots movement and educate others. I can say this is a great idea in logic but in reality it is a complete farce. People are fine with the $4 lattes and what Anne Curry spews out every morning on the Today Show. Just reading the shit off the AP wire. Americans realize that things aren’t good and these elected officials need to be replaced, and the media needs to be given back to the people, and the economy is about to bottom out, but NOTHING. Where do I go from here when I see such complacency in my fellow citizens. I am disappointed in myself for not reaching out more. I am proud to say that I opted to stay in America to help fight the oppression after the last election. In hindsight, I should have become an Expat. I cannot rely on my fellow Americans to rise up because they have accepted the truth they have been fed. So where do I go from here? At what point does absorbing all of the information out there become detrimental and in turn me into the jaded bitter queen that I been fighting to avoid? Should I just laugh off this foreboding and just take each day one step at a time? Uggg, here I go over thinking things again! I need an answer this time though. My mental health depends on it.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid...

"We often call the White House and talk to Karl Rove," Jerry Falwell says of the Arlington Group. "Everyone takes our calls." --as quoted in Vanity Fair, December 2005

Good old boys Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are getting all twitter pated lately. They see the Queen exposed on the board and are planning some kind of scary. I suppose it has been lurking underneath the surface for a bit, and I've chosen to ignore the signs up until Pat Robertson's lovely greeting of well wishing to Ariel Sharon. Granted Mr. Sharon has not been able to enjoy these kind words from the Evangelical Superstar because he pissed God off and is lying in a medically enhanced blissful coma. He shouldn't have been trying to break up the Holy Land and/or try to bring peace to the region when it clearly belongs to the Christians. Arrogant Jew!

Watch out Israelis! Pat Robertson might act like he is your friend because you hate the gays as much as he does, but he also hates the humanists, Arabs, Muslims, Asians, Dykes, and Hugo Chavez (although I think his buddy Georgie Bush put him up to the last one). Basically anyone that isn't a Evangelical Christian. Don't say I didn't warn you. Read behind the half assed apology to Prime Minister Sharon's family and see the complete utter contempt he has for someone he feels is breaking up God's land. Don't think he wouldn't try and force the Jews into converting to Christianity without instilling the fear of eternal damnation for failing to do so.

I am convinced that Jerry Falwell and his cronies such as Ralph Reed are preparing themselves as well as the 70 million other Evangelicals to become a very powerful force in the American political system. Having accomplished so much already with the blatant bigotry towards homosexuals by uniting other religions in the renewed hatred, the focus has been diverted away from the positioning of the political chips. The Catholics, Jews, and Muslim, have all found common ground with the Evangelical Christians and have issued very strong words basically in the favor of eradicating homosexuality in its entirety. Those pesky homos taken care of by the other religions, opens up more free time to "spread the word". It is no secret that the Christian Right has helped undermine the peace process in Israel in the past with the help of Benjamin Netanyahu. With Ariel Sharon out of the picture, the Christians are in excellent position to help undo whatever Sharon has accomplished recently and keep Israel the way it feels it should be by divine right. With conservative Jews in agreement with people like Falwell and Robertson about keeping the infidels out of the Kingdom of Heaven the Muslims are next in the sights of the scope. The fox and wolf are playing together. When the food is all gone who will the wolf eat?

Even with Bush's waning popularity and the downfall of some politicians such as Tom DeLay the Christian Right has been gaining steam in the multiple areas. They were at a whisper after the Scopes trial in 1925 and are now at a steady roar having picked up in the 70's. You can occasionally hear the hoot and holler of a fanatic, but the time in between fanatics has become shorter and always with renewed vigor. Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps, and Jerry Falwell are old and on their way but what scares me is who is around the corner? The ones that we don't know about yet, that have been groomed for the the new face of conservative Christianity. Will the person who succeeds Sharon see the potential for disaster and take a different approach in the constant search for peace in Israel. If God wills it. I will munch on my nails in the mean time.

Same View During Hurricane Wilma

Man did we piss off Momma Nature this summer or what? Yet on the beach today I was schleping through soda cans, cigarette butts, and food wrappers. There is no such thing as global warming! It is all a lie. Those scientists are fools damn it, and if my religion says that creationism prevails over evolution then the scientists are wrong this time too!
http://yosemite.epa.gov/oar/globalwarming.nsf/content/Impacts.html

My View This Morning

The light is so amazing in this neck of the woods in the winter. I love to take huge breaths of the hazy mornings and allow myself to connect with good ol' Momma Earth. The only thing better is cloud watching at night.

Deja-Vu

Ok, this was posted on Monday so we are up to date. From here on out, the produce is fresh.

Boy oh boy, I have a moment to sit down and write out something real quick. During the last few days my free time has been limited to minutes. Crazy. I did think I was going to get real sick this weekend but I seem to have fought off whatever was lingering. I usually get strep throat at least once a year and I thought Sunday was that day the virus found me again. I kept looking at the back of my throat with a flashlight to see if my throat was going to go to hell in a hand-basket. Needless to say some of the models were looking at me like a leper. It never happened (knock on wood). I think I have been in such a great mood lately that my body was happy to fight off whatever little buggies were trying to take over. Tons o' vitamins. I try to stay away from all conventional medicines these days. Aside from the fact that America is over medicated but secondly because our bodies are the most powerful and amazing machines we will ever encounter so if we treat it right physically it will treat us right mentally. Right? Correct me if I am wrong. However, when it comes to strep throat I am cautious. Not only does it hurt like hell and I can't swallow even a mouthful of water, but it can spread to the lungs and scar them causing pneumonia. Joshy poo does not need that. Other than that slight edge to my weekend I am doing well. I've had deja-vu hit me TWICE this week. I think I might be on the right path karmawise. Maybe that explains why I have been in such a great mood. I am excited of the possibilities lurking out there, those influences that will be changing the world and in turn me. Ahhh, I have to run right now. I have way to much energy to be sitting in this chair. I will come back though...too much to talk about and challenge. By the way if you haven't checked out Willing Warrior yet on blogspot.com do it already!! Otherwise just check out weather.com and see how wonderful Miami's weather is right now. Jealous? What?

Munchies

Also from previous post, I feel they are significant but not sure why yet. Maybe it is best to reflect later and hopefully I will be able to ask better questions of myself.

Yummy and delicious. I must say this salad I made just now is spectacular. Plus, it is all organic. Even the dressing. Cucumbers, baby spinach, egg, smoked turkey and chipotle ranch dressing. Anywho, just came from yoga and I am so zen right now. No one can screw up my chi. I probably should have not eaten such a huge thing after Bikram. Oh well. I am feeling very spiritual today. Not religious, just open to good karma. Weird state of mind to be in for someone who labels himself agnostic. I suppose my sense of hope is larger than what I want others to believe. Iconic images have been crossing my path so much lately. In the form of art or music comes the request of enlightenment. Even at the gym I hear Madonna singing her tribute to Isaac over and over. So much for separation of church and state...of mind. People hold onto faith so intensely. I've never really had all that much faith in organized religion. Take Jerusalem for instance. One of the most holiest cities in the world has seen mankind butcher each other in the name of God. From Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology to Madonna and her praise of Kabalah no one can seem to get enough. Since when did religion need so much PR? Doesn't all this exposure contradict the teachings of the majority of these religions?
Enough for now. I am thinking way to much before bed and then I will never get to sleep. I have a 6:30 am call time tomorrow. It is going to be hard to be nice that early in the morning. Peace for now.

Can you feel the crackle?

This is a blog that I posted recently on Myspace. I like Blogger better. The information posted is still prudent.


I know I have been such a lazy bitch when it comes to blogging lately, but I just can't find myself ready to spill the guts. Hell, I am not sure if I am going up or sideways right now. I must say I have been basking in the freaking ridiculously fantastic weather Miami has been having lately. Surfing, getting nice and toasty in the winter sun. So crisp. I don't think it has dipped below 75 during the day for about 2-3 weeks! Maybe why I haven't tied myself down to the computer. I should have been, people have been fascinating this week too. Call it the new year, or what is going on in the news right now but everyone seems alert and cautious but most of all electrified with something I can't place a finger on. People are raising their eyebrows at certain questions and current events lately and I like it. I don't know what caused this ebbing of the tide. Is the press finally starting to buck up a bit and starting to release more challenging new pieces? Or are people just educating themselves more? Is this "Age of Aquarius" hubba baloo really starting to click in the thought process of Americans? Or is it just starting with the artists, and we have a job to educate more? Will the masses listen this time? Do they want to?
I long for peace for PM Sharon. He has worked so hard for peace with himself as well as his countrymen, yet his body's explosive display of mortality has kicked me in the gut for some reason. I really haven't been keeping abreast of the situation in Israel, however I know that there has been some progress. If he dies where does this leave Israel? Most of all what does this do to the status of the Middle East at this point. It is hostile now, communication is so vital at this point. No positioning of chips. I hope there are other people that think on the same lines in the Middle East and their voices are heard. Ugg, I am so preachy today.
I am not too proud as to say to Jeff Abramoff "BUSTED BIOTCH!!" Ahhh, ain't karma a motha'? To top it all off, Mr. Abramoff is staying true to character and becoming the biggest snitch bitch to avoid as much jail time and fines. Washington D.C. cannot disavow him quick enough. President Bush practically had a Bar-B-Q with the campaign contribution that he received. Looks like someone flicked on the light. I expect the next few weeks will determine if I should give up total faith in America and run off to Spain. Hey this is what one of the Republicans said. "I wish it hadn't happened because it's not going to help us keep our majority." Rep. Ralph Regula, R-Ohio. Well, duh. Next time Representative Regula let your constituents know that taking bribes is a big no-no. To take it from a lobbyist for the American Indians is just plain tacky. What is really sad is that the kindly representative is more concerned with keeping the majority instead of being concerned about how this happened and what will it do to his party? Stubborn man. Since when did it become a popularity contest to run this country?!
Alright, I see I need to jump off my soapbox and become more self absorbed. My apartment is a disaster so I suppose I show grow up and clean it. Or hire a house keeper. Off to yoga, I need to cleanse. Ciao for now.

The Start of Something New

So it begins. The start of something new. Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. I am ready to create, eyes wide open and ready to absorb. Everything is a blur with no definitive point. I am excited, I am scared, I am alive. I am the Sherpa of the Banality.