And Then...

So, here is Tracie Wright and Valeska. Two of the models that I did makeup on for the Heatherette fashion show during the Funksion Fashion Week here in Miami Beach last week. The look was an updated Debbie Harry, and we had to do 35 models in about an hour. Talk about insane and crazy backstage. I nearly passed out that day because there was 6 shows and 70 models and only 5 of us makeup artists. I drank like a fish that night.
Here is Marc Sinoway. Totaly cool cat. In the background doing hair is the Argentinian crazy Diego. Rockstar with hair!
Todd and Richie Rich. Todd was the key hair artist on the Hetherette show. He is going to go to town on my hair soon. I am excited because he is has been dying to cut it, and it will be rockstar by my birthday. Yippie!
I loved this look. I was a little pissed at my assistant for doing the makeup like this though. She was waaaaay too heavy handed, and not really the makeup look we wanted but whatever. I had no time to double check until the last possible second. What can you do? Still loved the look.

My Kids the Genetic Freaks...

These are my kids. I say kids because they I feel so old when I am around them. Kidding, I actually give them a run for their money sometimes. Its fashion week here in Miami Beach and I have been working my butt off doing makeup for so various shows. The above picture is Ackee and Clay, two of the most well rounded models I have ever met. Great people to work with. Clay and I met on a recent Bruce Webber shoot for Italian Vogue and just landed the new Dolce campaign. He will be shooting with Stephen Misel next week. Ackee is a beauty I started working with at the begining of the season. Since then her and I have been shooting together constantly. I see a huge future for her too. (above show is Phat Farm)

So let me break down the images. First one with Dominique (rosey cheeks) is for the show Cardiac which are amazing up and coming designers. Their names are Darrin McWhorter and Kristopher Hegland. Check them out at www. cardiacdesign.com Dominique also did FILA last night and Phat Farm on Wednesday.

Second and third. Helen and Marcus. Both for Ted Baker which I must admit has amazing clothes. Like, I think total shopping spree coming on. Helen also did Cardiac, and I wish I snapped a shot of her makeup for that because it was badass too. Marcus is from Sweden, a total charmer and badass hair. I am actually going to cut my hair like that in a couple of days, that is really why I took the picture. Well that, and he is totally gorgeous.

I Don't Wanna...

I took every ounce of strength to get my lazy butt up this morning. I soooo wanted to stay all snuggy poo in my goose down comforter and dream about utopia. Then my phone started ringing and everyone and their mother needed something from me. Damn you world!! Can't I just have an lazy day? Grrrrr, apparently I have some Baby Phat fashion show I am supposed to be the key makeup artist on today that I completely forgot about. Great...there goes a perfectly good wasted day.

Ummm thanks...

This is Mr. Magillacutty's friend Rosco the Raccoon. Li'l Pony introduced him to me. We got along fine until he smelled the $40 Indian spiced grilled pork chop I ate for dinner with my dad and then he tried to rip my throat out. Bad raccoon! Mr. Magillacutty is appalled at his behavior but again he has been electrocuted a couple of times from the electrical lines he crosses to go to Li'l Pony's house so he couldn't tell you what is up or down. Poor little iguana. There is no such thing as global warming! So what if Rosco is a big as a house wife from Wisconsin, he shouldn't have been going into the garbage on Michigan Avenue. Bad raccoon!

...And Scene

That's it. I am done. Kaputt. Before this city becomes the death of me, or before I become the death bringer to someone in this city I have to leave. I will be leaving screaming at the top of my lungs, half naked, and with streams of mascara running down my face. I don't wear makeup but you get the point of my near insanity if I lay it out that way. I am a pacifist, but it took 90 minutes of yoga, a conversation with Li'l Pony, the movies "A Constant Gardener" and "Fight Club", and an organic baby spinach salad with chipotle buttermilk ranch dressing to placate the rage that I had boiling in me. It takes a lot to make me flip out and it has to build up, but I'll be damned if the people in this city didn't manage to get me there in a weekend. Friday through Monday people in the service industry, a client, and fellow artists took advantage of my laid back non-confrontational attitude and walked all over me. I let them get away with it which is why I think I became more upset day by day. I usually fight back; especially for the underdog, but when it comes to myself sometimes I give into the defeatist attitude hoping not to rock the boat. It ALWAYS backfires, and then I end up spending days beating myself up trying to figure out what went wrong. Grrrrr! I am over it now, but I am still disappointed in my fellow human beings.

Before anyone goes commenting on how there are people like this in every city, let me explain that Miami Beach/Miami seems to have a higher concentration of shady, lazy, and complacent people. I can't understand why a city that is know for tourism and parties has the most deplorable and unprofessional service industry in the ENTIRE WORLD! Yes, I said it. The world. I've been all over the world and Miami Beach needs to have a sitcom based on the shit that goes on in restaurants, bars, and retail and what these employees actually get away with. I have been living here off and on for 4 years after being away for 10 and I haven't seen a touch of improvement. From the under poured 12 dollar drinks in practically every establishment, to the unsanitary preparation of the food, I am surprised I haven't gone postal at some restaurant and stabbed a couple of servers with a fork. I have a list of restaurants where I have been sickened by their food. One of the restaurants has given me a stomach virus 4 times, swear to you! My letters to the Miami Beach Chamber of Commerce are probably used to pick up dog poop in Flamingo Park. What is with the velvet rope policy at practically every establishment in this city? I've learned that if I want to go out to a club I need to bring 57 models, or strippers to even get noticed at the ropes even though I will most likely drop a couple hundred bucks on drinks. I should get a beejer with that. Sunday was the final straw. Picture it, breakfast at one of the trendy eateries that I know will take about an hour and half out of my day. I am prepared for this, I mean its Sunday, a day of R&R right? The server took 35 minutes to come to our table to get our DRINK order. Another 15 to get us our coffee and mimosas. We saw the server twice throughout the entire meal which took about 2 ours to serve, clean up, and hand over the final bill. At one point I had to go into the restaurant to look for the skank for some more coffee and napkins. Yeah, the hostess was about as bright as a postage stamp so I had to do it myself. On that final bill there was a 19% tip (service) charge included which I took as a suggestion, because I reduced it to 15% although the skank deserved like a penny. I am bitter, but not cruel. We left, and I shit you not, the serve CAME AFTER US! A block down the road the little hussy runs up to us to tell us that tipping is mandatory. I informed the skank that so was service, and I felt that 15% was generous considering it was pretty much a self service kind of meal. The server ROLLED its beady little eyes and stormed off! The nerve of that skank, so I went back to the restaurant, one that I have visited many times to suggest to the manager that some of their employees could use some sensitivity training. I never raised my voice, and I did the conversation to the side as to not create a scene. He told me that due to inflation, 18% is the new industry standard and I should be more understanding of the server who is "just doing their job". WHAT?!! Oh Gawd, my heart is jumping I need to walk away from this one like I did on Sunday.

As for the client and the fellow artists. Well, I am usually the first one people call a 7:00 am if their makeup artist doesn't show up, or I will take shit jobs because I was once on the bottom rung of the ladder in the fashion industry and I think it is good karma to give back to people who could use the help. I don't have to make 1k a day on every job, I am proud to say, because I love my work. However, Miami doesn't get the greatest reputation in the fashion world because of its notoriety for having people here that either want you to work for free or claim the project is more that it is. All fluff and no substance. I had to learn how to do hair because it would guarantee that I would make more money. Clients lie all the time to get the better artists which is good business practice I guess, but bad karma. Don't tell my agent that the job is for a major retailer but for local advertisement, and when I show up have it be for some local designer who is wanting to develop their web page, and look book for their clothing line in the hopes of selling to said major retailer. When you lie like that my rates change, and what I should be getting for this kind of work is vastly different from what you projected to my agent. On top of that, it is sooooo unprofessional and just plain cheap to cram a three day shoot into one. Also, do not talk down to me as if I should be honored to be in some shit hole studio in some warehouse district near the airport after I was misled into believing my work would be valued. You can't expect me to be this chipper disco queen when you have 400 shots (yes, that was 400) planned and the breakfast you provide is a bucket full of croissants from Costco or the lunch you provide is bags full of chips and a Publix deli sandwich wheel that has been sitting in the fridge for a couple of days. I can understand a small budget, but please inform me of this before I get there so I don't feel taken advantage of so I can make the economic decision as to whether it would be to my benefit to take the job. On top of all that, don't expect me to stay 2 hours overtime without the consideration of asking me. This was all day Friday. I tried my hardest not to walk out, I call my agent a million times, and she felt that I shouldn't leave either. So I took it. All of it without lube. Monday rolls around, and the producer tells my agent that I was the most unprofessional artist that she ever encountered. Apparently, I didn't speak or was my usual self as I had been, and the client was "scared" to ask me to do anything. Apparently out of the 400 shots 53 had too much shine on the forehead. Apparently the client was upset about the fact I chose not to do makeup on her and I focused on the models. Apparently the client was upset that I didn't want to stick around after the shoot (already 2 hours overtime). Apparently my agent didn't do shit to defend my reputation and did not voice my concerns over the fact I felt I was taken advantage of, misled, and underpaid. I have never received a complaint in all of the time I have been in this industry, not one. I have taken pride in my ability to take the lumps and brush them off. This Miami designer got a 3 day shoot, with a stellar artist for 11 hours (15 minutes lunch) with two models (makeup and hair), 300 changes, no overtime fees, no kit fees and no transportation reimbursement for the wonderful price of $400 minus 20% agency fee. Uggg, my stomach is in knots right now. I have to let it go.

Ok, so I am done with this city. Done. Wow, that was so nice to vent out. I am hungry now.

Beating a Dead Horse...

The scientists and meteorologists are saying one of the most powerful cyclones to hit Australia in decades lashed the northern city of Cairns on Monday with winds of up to 290 kph (180 mph), ripping roofs off houses, uprooting trees and flattening crops. What liars and fakers. Clearly they aren't on board with the petroleum companies in denying the enviromental holocaust and are clearly trying to get on tv. Clearly no one cares about you tree hugging bastards and granola lesbians so shut up so I can continue to throw my cigarette butts and used baby diapers anywhere I please without having to deal with the guilt trip. Thanks! Down with Earth!!

Get Yourself One Too...

This is Drew and Derek Riker. I consider them the best allies for the gay movement ever! Well, at least the best ones that I have encountered and consider close friends. Case in point, during the most recent national election Drew and Derek registered to vote in Florida (they live in New York) because they new that every vote here counted. Florida as you now know has been considered a swing state in the last couple of elections, and is considered part of the Bible Belt so pretty much Republican. I think the only precinct in Florida that voted majority Democrat would be Miami-Dade, and the twins did a great job campaigning and encouraging others to vote Democrat here, including their parents who in the past voted Republican. They were appalled that Bush ran on the campaign of hate, prejudice, and fear. They saw through the b.s. quicker than most. If anyone is an advocate for gays and lesbians to get the same benefits as straight couples in regards to marriage, it would be them. If anyone feels that gays and lesbians should be protected under federal hate crime statures, it would be them. They scoff at people who raise an eyebrow at their openness to protect and befriend us, not because they are "comfortable with their sexuality" but because they are humanists. They don't understand why people find the need to hate us just because we are genetically disposed to fall in love with someone of the same gender.

There are some gays and lesbians trying to decide "where" to become an activist in the gay movement because there is no definitive starting point. Our "community"(and I use that term loosely) is so disconnected and lost and it needs help all around. Yet, there are many who know we have to do something, and are doing their best to educate and validate us. I hear their frustrations in their words, vlogs, and podcasts. I think we need to start from scratch. Deconstruct the movement down to the barest essentials, the necessaries. The question is with whom do we do that? It is in my opinion that seeds of change will not occur unless we solidify the bridges to our future. The young gays and lesbians that will be our next voices and the straight allies that will do the fighting alongside us. We need to break down the ageism barriers that generate those horrible labels like "twink", "daddy", "butch", and "fem". We need to have some self respect in ourselves. We need to convince our straight friends to speak up louder for our rights, to inform the close minded that we are just as important, special, talented, caring, faithful, reasonable, rational, honest, sincere, and HUMAN. People like Drew and Derek. Maybe I am describing one of your friends. If not, go out and find one! Just remember to thank them when they win a battle. I cannot thank Drew and Derek enough. I want to thank more.

Put a Muzzle On That Thing...

Here we go again ladies and gentlemen of the United States of America. Our elected leader, President Bush has reaffirmed that he is willing to be preemptive in the use of force against Iran. Just like he did with Iraq, the words "terrorist organization", "weapons of mass destruction" doted his speech in a 49 page National Security Report "When the consequences of an attack with weapons of mass destruction are potentially so devastating, we cannot afford to stand idly by as a grave dangers materialize. ...The place of pre-emption in our national security strategy remain the same." Without providing proof he accused the Islamic REPUBLIC of supporting terrorists, threatening Israel and disrupting democratic reform in Iraq, and developing nuclear weapons. Uh huh. Really? Hmmm, the model of democratic reform that Bush so upholds? The one that supports secret black-ops prisons throughout the world, where they torture and kill in the name of Democracy? Well, before I go on a rant let me give some history on Iran for those who are not familiar with the largest country in the Middle East.

With a 5,000 year old history, Iran was known as Persia until 1935 and became a Islamic Republic in 1979 after the ruling shah was forced into exile. More on that later. The country is full of natural beauty and is full of ancient ruins, mosques and first-class museums and its people are hardworking and outwardly friendly. The country is rich in natural gas and petroleum resources. The light bulb should have went off on that last sentence. In 1951 Iran's Parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry, much to the dismay of Great Britain which held control over the oil fields throughout W.W.II, and by 1953 the Central Intelligence Agency had its first successful overthrow of a foreign government. Orchestrated by Dr. Donald N. Wilber (a gentlemen's spy) and approved by President Eisenhower, they placed in power Mohammed Reza Shah Pahlavi, someone by the way whom the CIA had total and complete contempt for. Shah Pahlavi ruled with an iron fist for 26 years until he was overthrown and forced into exile. Iran then became an Islamic Republic, backed by a generation of anti-American hatred. Hey, we brought it on ourselves folks. In September on 1980 Iraq invaded Iran thinking it was weak in the process of reforming the country and government. It was wrong, and this mistake led to 8 years of war between the two countries. It might be interesting to note, that in 1983, Donald Rumsfeld-part of an envoy sent by then President Reagan- agreed to provide Iraq with chemical and biological weapons. (See above photo) These weapons were used continuously against the Persians and eventually against the Kurds. These are the same weapons President Bush claims Saddam planned to use against America, and were his justification for going to war with him. Funny huh? So, there was no decisive winner in 1988 when both Iran and Iraq declared peace, but then again left another generation of anti-American sentiment. However, the oil and natural gas was never relinquished to foreign control.

Back to present. So since 1953, America has played a part in Iranian politics leading to 2 oppressive regimes and yet has not controlled the oil. It has done the same thing with Guatemala, Chile and Argentina resulting in tons on anti-American sentiment and creating hostile situations in many regions of the world. Iran, might I add, did attack American interest in Tehran. The U.S. Embassy to be exact, and took hostages claiming they had discovered a "nest of spies" who were secretly undermining the political process of Iran. No one believed them. Granted I don't feel that violence begets violence, however in retrospect of recent documents coming to light showing America had a part of the shah dictator coming to power, I would have to state that the Persians were defending themselves. They continue to do so. Now, our country is not taking the back door approach to control of oil interests. Its leader is declaring outright aggression without black and white proof of any attempts to attack us on our soil, without any proof that Iranians have had any part of undermining our society by infiltrating our government, without any proof that have been able to obtain materials to make a nuclear weapon. More death. More destruction. More anti-American sentiment.

I am sick to my stomach. I am sick, because people are letting him and his cronies get away with this. The Iranians have stated that they are open to talks, offered to let the Russians develop their nuclear power program, and we have ignored them. The people are scared, but the people will defend themselves. They have been doing it for over 50 years. All in the name of democracy, all in the name of righteousness does this government take pride in establishing coups and wars. I think he has gone to far, and if we let him do it we are just as bad as he is. Someone asked me what I have done to protest the war in Iraq recently, and was shocked to hear that I gladly gave up my car and opt to take public transportation or a car service when I need to. That made me laugh, because he thought I was all hot air. Why should I pay for gas and oil when kids are getting blown to bits for our right to do so? Why should I give my money to insurance companies when they keep coming up with excused to raise their rates. What have you done? If our Congress and Senate allow us to go to war with Iran, without proof of aggression, what will I be able to do to protest that? Marching gets ignored. I am open to suggestions, anything that will help me get over this shame.

What an Amazing Day...

...the sun is shining, the air smells clean and fresh, the birds are all twitterpated with the hint of spring in the air. I jumped into the bay this morning and just felt super close to Momma Earth, there were even a couple of manatee near my dock. Ahhhh, I might as well enjoy it now because soon the bay will be toxic, the sun will be covered in smog and the air will burn my nostrils. I wouldn't be shocked if some of those birds have started mutating already and have fangs. But it was still a nice way to wake up.

Be Quiet, Sandy!

"It takes a lot of degeneration before a country falls into dictatorship, but we should avoid these ends by avoiding these beginnings."--former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor

Oh shut up you old bat. You can't act like the Monday morning Quarterback when you have stated in the past that you would retire when a conservative Republican was elected to office. You have seen the general encroachment of the Religious Right into American politics back when Clinton was in office, hell a cracked out raving lunatic could have seen that coming. You retired this year, at the ripe old age of 75, to spend more time with your grand kids and family. Cool, I am all for the family values. However, do you think that maybe you could have retired when you were 69 or 70, giving the PEOPLE of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA a chance for another Supreme Court Justice that would carry on your tradition of being the swing vote in substantial cases such as abortion, gay rights, and civil liberties? You can't fake ignorance now, when the signs have been so obvious nor can you take the high road of moral aptitude. This speech you gave the other day should have been done years ago around the time the President was trying to convince the world that invading Iraq was the correct thing to do. Cute little quotes like; "We must be ever-vigilant against those who would strong arm the judiciary" would have carried a tad bit more weight in the eyes of the world. I guess you thought that making this speech now, in front of corporate lawyers, you would get a nice pat on the back and a big hug for being so strong by standing up against the current regime. Oh puh-lease, more respect would have been commanded even if you had done it last year. I end with this..."Statutes and constitutions do not protect judicial independence-people do," O'Connor stated. Riiiight, next time practice what you preach woman, you might get my respect back.

Oh Yeah, and Another Thing...

Boo hoo, I got pink eye AGAIN. Today when I woke up, I literally felt like Helen Keller. Except I could hear. And talk. Well bad analogy but you get the point. Try typing and blinking through all this yucky stuff in my eyes and see how bitter you get. I mean maybe having a stalker isn't a bad thing...I can turn him into my errand boy. I need some Matzoh Ball soup, stalker boy. Go fetch! I need a pint of Hagen Daas Dulce De Leche ice cream, stalker boy. Chop, Chop! Hmmmm, I may have to rethink my former posting. In the mean time, I am going to wallow in my own yuckyness, go to bed early and dream of white picket fences with my gorgeous (totally committed and faithful)Brazilian husband tending the yard with our two kids and domesticated wolf. Yeah, I said domesticated wolf. Timber to be exact. I'm cool like that.

To My Dear, Dear Stalker

Dear Creepy Stalker (a.k.a. Thierry),
Ok, it has got to stop. Last night was the final straw. When my friends and I need to leave an establishment because you are creeping everyone out with your incessant staring, it is a clue to me that your ridiculous obsession has gone to far. I mean, I haven't felt that much concern for my safety and well being since I was living on the street. 911 was just a "1" away, and had you followed us out I would have pushed it, granted since there is no anti-stalking laws in Florida it would have been in vain. I don't even know how you got my phone number, but if it wasn't a clue that I wouldn't pick up the phone after the 12th time in a day, for 2 months straight than even speaking to you in your native tongue isn't gonna help. I especially love the drunken messages at 3 am on a Tuesday, where you tell me that you hope I have a wonderful life being a dirty American whore. Classy. Thanks for that.

Since I cannot confront you in person, that will probably just encourage you more, I am writing this little note on my blog. I mean, you already have a boyfriend. Why don't you stalk him? Or have you chopped him up into tiny pieces and put him in the freezer? I don't understand what I am supposed to do with this stalking thing, but I don't like my buttons pushed and you are getting a little too close to my personal cushion of security. Like I mentioned before I lived on the streets, and I learned to fight on the streets so keep messing with me and see where it gets you. Don't make me go ghetto on your ass, Frenchy! I will be the last one standing. Bitch.

Hugs and kisses,
the Sherpa of the Banality
(a.k.a. Joshua-Myles)

I Love My Job...

I did the grooming for the guys in the current issue of OUT Magazine for the cover and the six page fashion spread inside. Doug Ordway shot it and the models are Clint and Nicolas. I can never complain about my job when I get to do stuff like this. Creepy side note: On the day this story was shot, and a couple blocks down from where we were shooting, a Chalks Seaplane blew up in mid air and crashed thirty feet from the beach. 22 people died that day.

No Scientific Evidence...

Part of a conversation last night with a devout Republican that I consider an acquaintance: "There has been no substantial documented evidence that there is global warming, and environmentalists are this generation's 'snake-oil salesmen' who mislead the public." Really? Explain to me why 16 times this year my entire block has been under at least a foot of water, especially during high tide. Miami Beach officials claim it is because the Southern Hemisphere has experienced abnormally high tides this year, and because there is an eclipse and there is nothing they can do. They had no explanation as to why there is no other documented cases in any year from 1920's onward of this such phenomenon. My block doesn't flood during intense rain in case you were wondering. I live on the bayside of Miami Beach by the way, remember there is too much garbage on the beach side. The picture above is in front of my building during high tide yesterday, the 16th day this year this has happened.

Domenici Says No Global Warming Legislation This Session
Congress Daily PM March 6, 2006
Senate Energy and Natural Resources Chairman Domenici said today climate change legislation will not come out of his committee this year. Domenici said he and Energy and Natural Resources ranking member Jeff Bingaman, D-N.M., are negotiating a bill that would require reductions in greenhouse gas emissions, but the two are "nowhere close to a way to do that," he said, adding, "Frankly, I don't know how to write it, and I don't think anybody does." Lawmakers are divided over whether a climate change bill should include regulation of carbon dioxide, along with other pollutants. The committee will hold a climate change forum April 4 to hear experts on the issue, but it is not likely to result in legislation. "There will be no climate change legislation coming out of my committee this year," Domenici told reporters.

Revisted...

I just went over my post about feeling alone. Well, I am a bit surprised at the pity party I gave myself. When I write, I just go for it press the spell check button and post without editing. I often don't read what I write until a few hours or days later. So, in that aspect I am trying to see where I where I was coming from when I wrote that piece. I see defeatism. An emotion/action easily absorbed when the individual's surrounding environment consists of this negativity which sometimes disguises itself as pacifism. Usually the correct path to take in life is the hardest one. It is so much easier to throw in the towel and join the masses because then you belong to a group. I definitely see a lot of this defeatist attitude running rampant in this country in my words and I am not proud of this. Well, pride is something that can cloud an individual's judgment as well. I see much pride in my words too. These are a few traits I inherited from my mother, that I try everyday to suppress. She was one of these people that felt that everything should be handed to them on a bejeweled platter of gold and silver. I believe she is still waiting for that gift of freedom from the everyday banality. She will wait until the last possible moment before she realizes it was all in vain. She gave up too easily, she felt she was better than everyone else because of her beauty and talent and didn't have to work hard everyday to feel alive and validated. Pride/Defeat, they go hand in hand don't they?

So I have to break down why I am feeling defeated. I can safely say now I do not feel alone or unloved. Sure, I won't deny that I still want that unconditional love from a partner. Who the hell doesn't. Relationships are just as hard as being single. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic, so with my ever dreamy ways the Knight in Shining Armor seems to be a couple of Kingdoms away. Back burner that one. The pot that is boiling over is the most pressing. Hmmmm, can it be all this talk of torture, kidnapping, abuse and murder committed by our government in the name of Religion, Democracy, and the Republic throughout the Middle East be it? Nahhh, how can that be? We have gay, lesbian, and transgendered teens tortured, kidnapped, abused and murdered daily in my city, state, and country EVERY day for the last couple of decades. This is where I begin taking on the problems of the world as my own. Maybe because my mother did most of the above to me and it was by the grace of my own self perseverance that I didn't commit self murder that I feel I need to perform some kind of social experiment. I have searched for WEEKS on a single case where a parent or guardian was prosecuted for abuse or child abandonment in regards to kicking said child out of the home without so much as a stitch of clothing on their backs if they came out. Not one. I've looked in law books, internet, magazines, ACLU, Human Rights Organization publications and...zilch. So that means anyone can throw their kid on the street subjecting them to prostitution, homelessness, drugs and Lord knows what else without the fear of being prosecuted because, guess what, no one has ever had it done to them. Not one case study, not one ballsy State Prosecutor, not one activist has tried to go this route. If they have they did a terrible job of getting the information out there, so it is just as good as sticking their heads in the sand.

Ok, so shall I continue? How about those kids that are not kicked out of the home but are forced into "deprogramming" centers (like the ex-gay ministries Focus on the Family promotes on their web page) without any chance of saying no. These kids are subject to physiological torture and brainwashing against their consent. "Torture Light" as our U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez and Secretary of the Defense Donald Rumsfeld once classified what the detainees in Abu Gharib and Guantanimo got when they were kidnapped off the streets in this country, Irag, Afganistan, Syria, Canada, Italy, England, Spain, Romania to mention few. I think some bar tender should make a drink called “Torture Light” and it should be red. Maybe on fire too. Anywho, guess what? Not one case of prosecution against these centers, or against the parents or guardians for kidnapping (which is a felony), or abuse for the torture these kids go through. All in the name of religion. Never has there been so much travesties against a human being in the name of God by organized religion without anyone having to answer for it. Granted the U.S. is getting away with it, so I guess its ok. Who cares about what these kids have to endure it says so in the bible that they are evil right? Funny thing, there are 33,000 verses, psalms, and writings in the bible yet only 7 touch on the issue of homosexuality. None of them by Jesus. None. Sodom and Gomorra were not destroyed because they were homosexual either. They were killed and the city destroyed because they were blasphemous to God. Most Christians don’t know that, or chose not to see that truth.

What about the murder? The last things these gay kids here as their lives are robbed of them and as they struggle to understand how this happened to them is faggot, queer, evil piece of shit as the blows rain down on them. All in the name of God. If and when these perpetrators get caught more often then not they are charged with manslaughter or second degree murder because there is no federal stature that clearly defines the consequences of committing a hate crime. We are second class citizens. The Rev Charles Stanley of Atlanta stated to American troops in the beginning of the war with Iraq “God favors war for divine reasons and sometimes uses it to accomplish his will.” This guy is the former head of the Southern Baptist Convention. This is the example being set for our troops and citizens of the U.S. Its ok to kill in the name of God. You are doing his bidding. Kinda contradicts the teachings of Jesus; “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”

So yeah I feel a bit defeated despite all the screaming and writing I do. Our straight allies are great but don’t do enough. The adult gay men and women don’t do enough. Everyone is so freaking complacent. I do what I can by donating to these organizations that claim to fight for our rights, but they don’t do enough. They go the middle road as to not rock the boat, they too getting sucked into the defeatist mentality. I am not doing enough. Money is not enough, my words are not enough, my thoughts of hope are not enough. Hey, I am trying though. I am fighting, I do care. I just don’t know what else I can do. Let me regroup and try a different approach. Maybe dancing around naked with “Torture Light” spray painted on my body will work? Maybe I need to open up some kibbutz for runaway gay and lesbian teens? Maybe I need to give up and just think about myself for now and doing so I find something in myself that will wake everyone up around me. Since when did Hope become such a bad word?

I suck...

Ok, I know. Major slack off for not keeping up with the posting. A few people are mad, some forgot about me, some don't care. I have to admit, I have been writing and I am going to post a ton of stuff in the next day or so but I have been super duper sicky poo. I have pink eye (conjunctivitis) in BOTH eyes so everything is a blur until about noon. Since I am holistic in my practice of medicine, it takes a while for the nastier buggies to get cleaned out of my system. On top of that I have wicked sinus infection which makes my brain feel like it is pushing out of my ears. Ugggooooo! I can't complain to much because I rarely get sick actually. I take excellent care of myself so I am pretty resilient if I catch a cold. I can count on strep throat once a year but other than that I can run a marathon backwards while smoking a pack of American Spirit Ultra lights. According to my step mother who is a nurse at Jackson Memorial Hospital conjunctivitis is running rampant right now in Miami. Oddly I don't think I got it from someone, more like I got it from something. A week ago I was on a photo shoot at the end of South Beach and was appalled at the amount of garbage people had left on the beach. I was FURIOUS, and sick to my stomach. I swear to you there was: a hypodermic needle for injecting insulin, diapers (used), beer cans and bottles, empty bags of Doritos, styrofoam cups, plastic knives and forks, soda cans, used condoms, empty cigarette packs and butts, discarded food, empty suntan lotion bottles, and a million other things I can't even remember. All in a two block stretch of the beach, that had PLENTY of garbage cans. I was stomping around the beach picking up as much crap as I could, much to the amusement of the crew and the models I was working with. Well, I don't think I cleaned my hands so good because literally that night my right eye starting getting all oozy and junk. Now I did clean my hands after doing my part to help Mother Earth, but can you imagine what all that stuff is actually doing to the water and sand. No wonder the polar ice caps are melting. I literally filled a whole can with the garbage I picked up. Now multiply it by 30 blocks that make up South Beach and we have one huge problem. I am starting to get nervous about surfing now, God forbid I step on one of those needles.

So anywho, I am recouping. Next time I am going to have to wear gloves. And a hazmat suit. And have a bucket of boiling water on standby. Thank goodness I am leaving this shithole this summer. I can't begin to fathom how many hurricanes we will have blast through South Florida this year. There is no such thing as global warming. Right Mr. President? It is all an illusion. I end this blog with this. Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma once stated [referring to the environmentalist movement on Pat Robertson's TV show] "You quit worshipping God and start worshipping the creation- the creeping things, the four-legged beasts, the birds and all that. If you read Romans 1:25, it says 'and they gave up their God and started worshipping the creation.' That's what we are looking at now, that's what's going on." Robertson gave his glowing praise of the Senaturd calling him a "strong critic of the excesses of the environmentalist movement." Hmmmm, if you believe in God, or Allah, or Buddha I would like to think that He blessed us with Earth as a gift that we should cherish and care for as we would ourselves. Granted most people in this country will shovel barrels of McDonalds and Burger King into themselves but that isn't the point. Besides the above quote from the bible has NOTHING to do with environmentalism (ists). It is a scare tactic for the Pagans written during the earliest times Christianity when the founders were trying to cement the religion as the norm. When these words in the Good Book didn't convince the Pagans to convert and renounce their faith to Christianity, they were tortured and killed until people were so scared to speak out and believe what was in their hearts. Sound familiar?